…and his name is ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
It is a question that has haunted individuals and civilizations alike. Never before this has there been a bigger existential quandary to challenge the limits of the human mind. Today, I will put an end to this neverending pointless debate. Behold the answer!
OK, so it’s not really that big of an issue. Still, you would be surprised at the inane explanations some people offer to a question so ridiculously simple to answer for anyone who attended a Biology class. FYI – it wasn’t God or Colonel Sanders.
In reality a delightfully complex, but easy to understand, process known as Evolution is the hero to praise for all those delicious omelettes. Popular Science sums it up nicely:
“Chickens, as a species, became chickens through a long, slow process of evolution. At some point, a chicken-like bird produced an offspring that, due to some mutation in its DNA, crossed the threshold from mere chicken likeness into chicken actuality. That is to say, a proto-chicken gave birth to a real-life official chicken. And since that real-life official chicken came out of its own egg, we can say that the egg came first.”
In fact, the quintessential image of an egg which we carry in our heads was in place long long before birds ever diverged from dinosaurs. Yes, in case you didn’t know, birds are the descendants of dinosaurs just like the elephant descends from the mastadons.
So there you have it. A simple answer for a simple question. Excuse me while I go make some scrambled eggs and ponder more scientific mysteries.
I have always had a particular disdain for people who choose to waste their days waiting in line for the next consumerist bauble that corporations throw at us. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never truly understood this practice. What does it achieve? Is it to claim bragging rights? Is it some sort of experience that everyone must go through to be accepted? What kind of jobs do these people have that allow them to take days off to sit in a line?
So many questions, and me without a single fuck to give.
Indie filmmaker Casey Neistat took it upon himself to delve further into this cabalist subset of the “iWantitnow” generation in the short film above. I’m all for having brand loyalty, but this is just sheer lunacy. People are ready to sleep in plastic bags on the sidewalk to protect their place in line. There are actually couples who are willing to go through this process together. It’s likely that they met in a line for something just as asinine, like a self-indulgent coffee. The facepalm moment comes towards the end where people think Casey is delusional for thinking they would settle for anything less than the “gold” iPhone. However, the biggest tool in the video has to be the girl who corrects anyone sacrilegiously calls it “gold” instead of “champagne” colored. She must be a pleasure to wake up next to.
I think the creepiest part of the video comes towards the end. There is a ritualistic scene of Apple employees and hopeful customers bowing, praising and cheering as if they just resurrected Steve Jobs with the blood of an Android using virgin. The ending sums up the insanity perfectly, as does the song “Loser” playing the background.
I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve been suffering from a debilitating toothache.
I HATE it! I’m scheduled for a root canal next week, but right now all I want to do is rip my tooth out!
How can we not alleviate toothaches in one shot with all this medical science?!?!?!?
Please empathize, pray and sacrifice animals for me so I get better quickly.
For now, I return to my cocktail of drugs…..mmmm Codeine 🙂
Post your funniest captions below 🙂
Telling the Story from Every Vantage Point
By Danish Meman